Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize