they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
