I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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