we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
