school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
