If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
