last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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