How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
