First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
