I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
