I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have already put on my inside pants.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
