Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
