so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
