Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
