This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
