Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
