Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My boob is missing a layer of skin
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
