Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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