batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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