just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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