Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
