Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
