i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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