I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Randomize
