Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
