I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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