I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
