I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
