a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
