bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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