remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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