I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
