Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
