Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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