Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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