Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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