If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Operation Purity has been aborted
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
