You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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