Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
