Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
