It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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