do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
