Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize