I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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