so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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