Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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