Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
