I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
