dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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