dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
