Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
