my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
