So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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