We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize