I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Randomize
