I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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