therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
this boner is exhausting
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
