my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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