I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
