I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
