you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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