I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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