First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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