how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
