I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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