I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
