my mouth tastes like poor choices
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
