when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
