how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
