just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
