have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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