So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
