im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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