i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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