i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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