Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
