There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
